Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

What We Do & Who We Are

 Posted by on 5 July 2010
Jul 052010
 

Lifestyle. Swinging. Wife Swapping.

What is this thing we do called?

First of all “wife-swapping”. I don’t particularly like this terminology mainly because I think it ruffles my feminist feathers. Wife-swapping sounds like something men decide to do with “their” wives. Just like they might do with their tools, boats, or sporting equipment. A wife is not a possession for a guy to swap with his buddy so they can each try out a new model. This term seems to take the female desire out of the equation and that’s not okay with me.

Swinging is great because everybody knows what it means. It’s not a secret-society type word that requires you to be in the know. The not so great thing about it is that it conjures up images of the ’70s; disco, hip huggers, shag carpet (on the floor and between the legs), afros (on black men) and bad perms (on white men) and gold chains. This isn’t too much of a problem for me because I was born in the ’70s and so everything “retro” is cool, instead of dated. I am contemplating purchasing my own domain name and there is a high liklihood that swings, swinging, or swinger will be in the title. Frankly, I like the term swinger, despite, and partly because of, its fun cheesiness.

Lifestyle is a much more sophisticated sounding term used for the same activity. It attempts to elevate this activity above mere sex. I can’t quite wrap my head around it completely because I’m not entirely sure I know how the term lifestyle is defined.

–noun
the habits, attitudes, tastes, moral standards, economic level, etc., that together constitute the mode of living of an individual or group.

I guess what I don’t like about “the lifestyle” as terminology for swinging is that it somehow implies that this lifestyle is the only lifestyle. I agree that how my husband and I navigate our sex life both with each other and with other partners is a lifestyle choice. It’s OUR lifestyle, but it’s not THE lifestyle. I respect people who choose to be in monogamous relationships, just like I respect those who have a life partner and choose consensual non-monogamy with that partner. Both are fine with me. I don’t think that I am somehow smarter or more evolved simply because my husband and I choose to live our sex lives slightly outside the norm.

On the other hand, the term “lifestyle” does work for me in the way that it takes what we do out of the bedroom and into our lives as whole people. In other words, we aren’t only swingers while we are actively participating in sex with others. We are swingers in mind, body, and spirit 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Even in the years that we didn’t participate in “the lifestyle”, we were still swingers. Sexual freedom and adventure are part of who we both are as people. This doesn’t change whether we are making love to each other, fucking a random Craigslist hookup, or changing a tire on our car. When people as us how long we have been “doing this”, I tell them since the day we got married. Even though we didn’t have another human being in our bed until maybe a year in, the mentality was there for both of us. Certainly we’ve ebbed and flowed. Each of us has had times where our sex drive has diminished; unfortunately it sometimes seems to happen in direct inverse proportion to the other’s increased libido. Through it all however, we have struggled and rejoiced in each other, and always come out the other side with our relationship stronger and happier.

So, I guess I’m not sure what we really call it. When talking to others, it’s sometimes “the lifestyle”, more often “swinging”, never “wife-swapping.” With each other, it doesn’t really need a label. It’s just what we do and who we are. So sometimes we call it simply “dating”, “going out”, or “seeing” someone. We also use the terms “playing” and “playmate” a lot. Oftentimes, simply having sex or fucking seems to work. I’m curious what others think. Both swingers and non-swingers; those intrigued and those appalled. What do you call this thing we do?

  9 Responses to “What We Do & Who We Are”

Comments (6) Pingbacks (3)
  1.  

    I like this post; wish there were more (& better) terms for long-term, committed relationships that aren’t strictly monogamous. Polyamory is kind of loaded, too. And sounds like Polly-Annery, which is not very sexy at all.

    OT: we saw a movie called Ondine that made me think of you / I think you would like.

  2.  

    I don’t know everything about your situation, but in reading your blog, it seems as though you have sex with other men far more often than your husband has sex with other women. Most of the time, it seems as though your husband doesn’t even participate. I’m not even sure I recall reading a post where he had sex with anyone other than you.

    So, just speaking as a third-party observer, I would classify what you do as “hotwifing” or “cuckholding.” While these things fall under the general umbrella of “swinging”, I think hotwifing/cuckholding is a more accurate term.

    •  

      Joe,
      Actually, we just started with this hotwifing/cuckholding thing. In fact, if I were to use those terms, my husband would have no idea what I was talking about. LOL! He just started being interested in watching me with other men in the last few months. Our very first swinging experience was a threesome with his ex-girlfriend way back in year 1 or 2 of our marriage (we are almost to 20 now). When we really got back into the swing of things again a couple years ago, we started with just couples (basic partner swapping). The difficulty in finding a 4way connection lead to us eventually to where we are now; which is that we date separately quite a bit. I do generally seem to “go out” more than my husband, but he does have his own dates/girlfriends. This blog probably skews more to my experiences, but he is out having his fun too and we still on the very rare occasion meet up with other couples.

      •  

        How can any normal person remotely think having sex with someone outside your relationship could improve anything? I thought about this and could only come to a conclusion that these people are really running away from problems within their marriage. Whether it’s sexual frustration or even unable to have a deep and meaningful talk, I’d feel this would drive one or both to suggest that fucking around might bring some zing into whatever it is that’s ailing their lives. Good luck to those poor souls who think sucking another guys dick will bring stability to their current marriage. I ain’t doing it! LOL

  3.  

    I was talking with my girl friends and the subject came up as to whether or not the guys might PANIC at the last minute in a FULL swap. Also I was curious as to how many times it would be emotionally SAFE to swing with the same couple before LOVE feelings started happening. OMG swinging is one of the greatest things the mind has ever thought of ! Sweet Jesus this is good !!!!!!

  4.  

    Terms are a funny thing. The sex that my husband and I enjoy is what you would cuckolding. Yet it has nothing to do with another man having power over me. My husband really enjoys watching me having sex. Sometimes he may be hiding. Sometimes he may be in the room. He never feels threatened by the man nor does the man had any sort of power over my husband. My husband simply enjoys watching me having sexual intercourse.

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