I just read this great article: “Chubby Guys Wanted!!!” – Body Weight and Confidence in the Lifestyle”. I thought it would make a great topic for my first blog post since last spring.
In the article, Mr. Gentlenibbles discusses the tendency to become less social when we aren’t feeling 100% secure about our bodies, and more specifically our weight. He breaks the solution down into basically three steps:
#1) Accept yourself.
#2) Do what you need to to change.
#3) Fuck what people think.
My husband and I have been pretty much out of the lifestyle for most of 2012. I had a job change in June that has me away from home way too often, and when I am home, hubby and I are more interested in spending time together than going out with others. The problem is that sex has become a much less important priority in my life lately. I’ve done a little bit of searching for new playmates, but I don’t have the strong desire to connect with men physically the way I used to. I don’t have a big problem with this except when it also starts affecting my sex life with my husband.
Sex is one of those funny things: the more you get, the more you want; and once you go a little while without it, you find it easier and easier to forgo. I want to get back that spark and passion that we felt a couple years ago when we were going out a lot, hooking up with some regularity, and just generally feeling sexy most of the time. So the question is, how do you get back what seems to have gone missing?
For me, the Gentlenibbles article is a place to start. My weight is one of those things that comes and goes. It’s not something I spend a lot of time stressing about. I kind of take a Devil May Care attitude, except sometimes I start to realize that I’m not taking care of my body and I’m not feeling very sexy. It’s never quite clear which came first. I’ve never been willing to spend a lot of mental energy attempting to achieve a particular number on the scale. However, that being said, I know that my weight is more reflective of other issues that affect my sexuality and confidence levels. When I eat well and spend some time outside, I tend to feel better emotionally. When I feel better emotionally, I take more pride in my appearance. When I take more pride in my appearance, I tend to feel sexier and more confident. When I feel sexier and more confident, I attract playmates with whom I enjoy connecting. So, it’s all interconnected.
I’ve played with men of various body types and I’m not necessarily attracted to just one type. Something I’ve noticed however is that when a guy takes extra care to look good, smell good, and feel good about himself, there is something irresistably sexy about him. When I take extra care to look good, smell good, and take care of myself emotionally, I feel sexy and my libido frees up for more frequent, satisfying sex with my husband and with others.
I really don’t care about weight, per se, but I care about feeling good, radiating confidence, and feeling sexy. Typically I can make that happen at any weight, but it takes some lifestyle changes, and those lifestyle changes often result in lost weight. It’s a crazy circle of cause and effect that turns back on itself over and over.
There are many reasons that we’ve taken a break from the lifestyle: work, family, relationship drama – not between hubby and I – but with some lifestyle partners. The fact that I’ve gained some weight isn’t the cause of our temporary exit from the swinger world, but it might be making it more difficult for me to feel ready to enter it again.
Image Credit: adamr / Free Digital Photos