Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Feb 152012

My husband and I have recently decided that we want to make an extra effort to find some compatible couples to play with.  We really do miss playing together.  We started experimenting with swinging when we were newlyweds.  We invited friends over for 3-somes (one female and one male).  A few years later we met a couple online and made a road trip to meet them in Illinois.  We were all new, so it was pretty much just flirtation and soft swapping.  About four years ago, we joined some local online swinger sites and started attending events and parties.  At the time. we thought we were only going to play with other couples, as a couple.   We met some very nice fun couples with whom we had a lot in common.  We enjoyed their company, kissing was nice, and it seemed like a good fit.  However, once we would get into bed with them, things didn’t always click quite the way we had hoped.   Even for those that were fun to have sex with, scheduling between 4 people is difficult.  This is especially true since most of the people we were looking to hook up with had the same family and kid responsibilities that we did.

I can’t really remember when either of us had our first “separate date”, and I can’t quite pinpoint when playing separately became the rule rather than the exception.  It’s hard to remember the last time we had a truly good old-fashioned 4-way swap.

There are definite benefits to separate playtime.  The sex is amazing, because we are each choosing people that REALLY rock our boat. Playing as a couple is fun, but the reality is that there is usually one coupling who is much more into each other than the other.  It works, but I think you get less earth-shaking sex that way.  Not always, but often.  We’ve also found that playing separately has allowed for increased frequency.  We are very committed to our family, and we feel better about going out more often if at least one parent is home with the kids.  Separate dating also seems to increase the intimacy we each experience with our playmates.  I know that for some people, that is a negative thing.  Swingers often talk about completely separating sex and emotion.  My husband and I have had a lot of conversations about this, and we have decided that we want to have an emotional connection with our playmates.  What to call that connection is a discussion for another post, but we definitely want to be INTO our sex partners — and not just physically.

So even though we both enjoy playing separately, lately we’ve really started to crave some together-time.

A couple weeks ago, we went to a house party with some old friends. We had some fun kissing and flirting with a couple that we’ve known for quite a while and made some plans to spend the evening with them on a recent Saturday night.  It was really our first couple-swap in I-don’t-know-how-long.  We had a nice time, but I’m not sure we’ll be making it a regular thing with this couple.  It’s just not quite the right fit as far as a 4-way connection goes.  We have another date this coming Thursday with a new couple.  We’re planning on getting to know each other over drinks with tentative naked-plans for the weekend if all goes well.

It’s my opinion that finding couples is absolutely more work than finding single partners.  The elusive 4-way connection is infamously rare, but the chase is fun, so we are going to work at it a bit.  It doesn’t mean we’re giving up solo dates, but hopefully I’ll have more swapping stories to tell as well.

  7 Responses to “Swinging with other couples: Finding the elusive 4-way connection”

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    If you are reading this post….

    “We have another date this coming Thursday with a new couple. We’re planning on getting to know each other over drinks with tentative naked-plans for the weekend if all goes well.”

    Update on that couple is posted here: http://sabrinaswings.com/?p=519


    It sounds cool, hope to find a partner just like the two of you.


    Here is a trick that we found works and it’s easy. First you make a plan that allows two full days. The two couples need some history together and of course the understanding that a swap is going to take place. If your home won’t work try a hotel. It’s actually a bit more interesting that way. Check in together, each couple getting a room make sure they are next to each other. After each is settled meet in the hotel bar. Have drinks together and lay out your time schedule. Boy A and girl B are a pair as is boy B and girl A. For the next 24 hours each couple stays together and does their own thing. Treat it like you’re having an affair. Stay away from the other couple, go to different places and be somewhat secretive. Of course if a problem arises use your cell phones to make a solution.

    Couple 1 (same for couple 2) can go to a movie or a museum or a walk thru a shopping area or a park. Anything you want to do. Flirt and hold hands, kiss and touch, talk and be good dates. Tell each other how good it feels to have this opportunity to cheat on your real mate with out any worries. Talk about sex and do anything that keeps the kettle warm. Be daring and do some public groping. Remember what you are doing is getting warmed up for a great night of sex. Don’t trash your real mate but do talk about how you feel knowing he/she is also cheating on you. Let your date know that a your wife is getting fucked by her husband. A bit of jealously and fantasy will go a long way.

    Take at least 8-10 hours and make the day one big foreplay, touching, kissing, kindness and adoration are your tools. Before returning to your rooms stop off and have a few drinks. Get a good buzz on and the let you lust and hormones take over. Enjoy each other.

    The next day (don’t forget 24 hours) meet back up at the same hotel bar and trade back to your natural mate. Now with your good ole mate, plan your day and apply the same rules of love and adoration. Share what happened and enjoy your partners happy feelings. If you’re a bit jealous that’s ok, talk about it and it’s ok to be vulnerable. Remember who you love and show it. QED


      Sounds like you’ve really given this plan some thought. It all sounds like great fun. My only pause is with the word “cheating” …. I’d rather call it flirting or playing. Cheating has some really negative connotations.


    We are looking for a hot couple join us tomorrow evening we are definitely open minded and are looking for the same

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