My husband and I have recently decided that we want to make an extra effort to find some compatible couples to play with. We really do miss playing together. We started experimenting with swinging when we were newlyweds. We invited friends over for 3-somes (one female and one male). A few years later we met a couple online and made a road trip to meet them in Illinois. We were all new, so it was pretty much just flirtation and soft swapping. About four years ago, we joined some local online swinger sites and started attending events and parties. At the time. we thought we were only going to play with other couples, as a couple. We met some very nice fun couples with whom we had a lot in common. We enjoyed their company, kissing was nice, and it seemed like a good fit. However, once we would get into bed with them, things didn’t always click quite the way we had hoped. Even for those that were fun to have sex with, scheduling between 4 people is difficult. This is especially true since most of the people we were looking to hook up with had the same family and kid responsibilities that we did.
I can’t really remember when either of us had our first “separate date”, and I can’t quite pinpoint when playing separately became the rule rather than the exception. It’s hard to remember the last time we had a truly good old-fashioned 4-way swap.
There are definite benefits to separate playtime. The sex is amazing, because we are each choosing people that REALLY rock our boat. Playing as a couple is fun, but the reality is that there is usually one coupling who is much more into each other than the other. It works, but I think you get less earth-shaking sex that way. Not always, but often. We’ve also found that playing separately has allowed for increased frequency. We are very committed to our family, and we feel better about going out more often if at least one parent is home with the kids. Separate dating also seems to increase the intimacy we each experience with our playmates. I know that for some people, that is a negative thing. Swingers often talk about completely separating sex and emotion. My husband and I have had a lot of conversations about this, and we have decided that we want to have an emotional connection with our playmates. What to call that connection is a discussion for another post, but we definitely want to be INTO our sex partners — and not just physically.
So even though we both enjoy playing separately, lately we’ve really started to crave some together-time.
A couple weeks ago, we went to a house party with some old friends. We had some fun kissing and flirting with a couple that we’ve known for quite a while and made some plans to spend the evening with them on a recent Saturday night. It was really our first couple-swap in I-don’t-know-how-long. We had a nice time, but I’m not sure we’ll be making it a regular thing with this couple. It’s just not quite the right fit as far as a 4-way connection goes. We have another date this coming Thursday with a new couple. We’re planning on getting to know each other over drinks with tentative naked-plans for the weekend if all goes well.
It’s my opinion that finding couples is absolutely more work than finding single partners. The elusive 4-way connection is infamously rare, but the chase is fun, so we are going to work at it a bit. It doesn’t mean we’re giving up solo dates, but hopefully I’ll have more swapping stories to tell as well.