Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Dec 312012
 

Swinger Lifestyle Failures by Sabrina SwingsThis post was originally started over a year ago, so why am I just now posting it?  Sharing oneself on the internet through blogging or any other means is a very unique endeavor.  The best results come when the writing is timely, honest, and intensely personal.  When you participate in a lifestyle that values discretion, it can sometimes be a difficult balance to maintain the type of open, honest, raw writing that inspires people to keep reading.  Although this blog isn’t a kiss-and-tell space, I do want to share our pleasures and pitfalls so that others can come here and find what they need as they navigate non-monogamy as part of their sexual expression.  Sometimes it’s best to start a post, let it marinate a bit, gain some perspective, and come back to share the insights gained.  It helps diffuse emotion and also helps protect the identity of those involved.
(***** Last night = quite a while ago now.*****)

I had dreams about sex last night.

In the first dream, I was both at work and in a room full of beds. It’s like the cubicles had beds in them instead of desks. I was having sex with one of my favorite playmates who I am very comfortable with. A bit later in the dream, an acquaintance of mine from high school asked me how long I had been seeing this guy. Apparently she had also been seeing him and wondered if I was aware that he sees other people.

In the other dream, I was having sex with an overweight man to whom I really wasn’t all that attracted. We were in an attic of a large house and it was dark and dingy. After a little while, I realized that he wasn’t wearing a condom. It’s as though we forgot to use one.

Wow….so until I wrote this, I hadn’t really put the pieces together, but obviously I’m thinking about a recent condom break with one of my favorites. I haven’t written about it yet because there is so much to talk about.

(****** Back in present time.******)

I’ve only had one condom break in swinging that I know of, but honestly, it might be hard for me to notice.  I typically have sex in the dark, and although I’m consistent with condom usage, I don’t harbor any fantasies about how they are going to keep me 100% safe.   When I was playing with MrTallBaldnHandsome, he was always very careful about our condom usage.  He never tried to fuck me without it and he ALWAYS checked that it was still in place several times while we played.  He was a very responsible condom user, probably because he was kind of a slut —- 😉  In any case, we were fucking doggy style and things were getting to the point of no return.  We both exploded into orgasm and as he pulls out, he says “Hon, the condom just broke.”   He pulled out and went into the bathroom to clean up.  I followed close behind.  Surprisingly I wasn’t really all that freaked out.  He asked me about any potential pregnancy issues, I explained to him that I had an IUD and wasn’t too worried.  We discussed our latest STI test results and that was that.

I came home and let my hubby know what had happened.  Although he was a little mad at first, I again explained how responsible and careful MrTallBaldnHandsome always is with his condoms and that this was truly just an accident.  I reminded my hubby that this is an inherent risk we take when we decide to partake in extra-marital sex.  It’s a risk you have to be comfortable with and make your decisions accordingly.

Here are just a few considerations:

Infection Control – Condoms protect against infections spread by fluid exchange such as gonorrhea, clammydia, and HIV.  They protect somewhat against HSV (Herpes) and HPV (some strains of which cause genital warts), but those two can also be spread without any fluid exchange whatsoever.   Many people don’t realize that when they ask their doctor for “the full range of STD tests”, this does not include a Herpes test.  Unless you specifically say, “And I’d also like an HSV test,” it likely won’t be included.  In fact, even when I did ask for one, my doctor tried to talk me out of it saying that the test is typically only necessary if you show symptoms.

Oral Sex – My husband and I engage in a LOT of oral sex with our play partners.  Oral sex can include a LOT of bodily fluid – and very rarely are barrier methods used for oral sex.  This may not be the case everywhere, but I’ve honesty never participated or observed oral sex using either condoms or dental dams.  A huge concern I have right now are the newest studies regarding HPV and throat cancer.  Knowing how common HPV is and knowing how much my husband loves giving oral, I do worry about his health.  Check out this article at the Oral Cancer Foundation:  http://www.oralcancerfoundation.org/hpv.

Pregnancy – Many people in the lifestyle have had their tubes tied or a vasectomy.  For those that haven’t, however, pregnancy is another probably HUGE consideration.  Sure, condoms protect against pregnancy, but they certainly aren’t the most effective method of birth control available.  http://www.cdc.gov/reproductivehealth/unintendedpregnancy/contraception.htm  Personally, I use an IUD to keep myself from getting pregnant, and male condoms to protect myself from infections.

Relationship –  What are you doing to protect your relationship?  Certainly swinging does present certain health risks,  but it’s important to think about emotional and personal risk as well.  Have you made a conscious decision about how to nurture your relationship through the ups and downs you’ll experience in this lifestyle?  Have you thought about protecting your own pride, integrity, and self-worth?  The lifestyle sometimes causes our perception of self to become skewed.  Can you feel good about yourself and your marriage while doing this?  What about if your kids, mom, or pastor find out?  Do you know WHY you are swinging?  Is the reason something you can feel proud about and defend if necessary?

Lube – Since the night of the condom break, I’ve become a much bigger proponent of making sure I always have some good, latex-safe lube with me.  Well lubed latex (or poly) condoms glide more easily and are less likely to break.   Lube – never leave home without it!  <—– In the interest of full disclosure, this link is an affiliate code.  If you order lube from Adam & Eve at this link, you’ll be helping support SabrinaSwings.com and/but, you can save 25% on one item by using the code 25OFFONE at checkout.  Win-win situation.

Image Credit:
Clare Bloomfield / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

  One Response to “Swinger Sex Dreams and Lifestyle Condom Failures”

Comments (1)
  1.  

    I’ve had my share of condom failures over the years but I never got too upset by them. I’ve always been on the pill so pregnancy wasn’t an issue so it’s only STDs I’ve had to worry about. But in the ten years being intimate with over 200 different men I’ve had maybe ten failures where the condom completely came apart and flooded me with sperm. When it happens I always get tested. So far I’ve been lucky.

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