Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Sex is like Dessert

 Posted by on 28 November 2012
Nov 282012

I’ve often heard intercourse referred to as the “main event.”

For me, sexual intercourse isn’t the “main event”, but more like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae.  Let’s take the food analogy a bit further.  First of all, food, like sex, is a highly sensual experience that can and should be enjoyed and savored.  It can be enjoyed alone, but is often enhanced when shared with others.  If the entirety of a sexual interaction is like a meal, the best ones are several courses long and include a variety of tastes, scents, and sensations.  Done well, a meal can stand alone or you might decide to top it off with a little dessert (aka fucking, if we are talking about sex.)  Either way, a meal made up entirely of dessert is not very satisfying and leaves you craving the deeper, sensual, fulfilling experience of real food.

I like to think of the actual sex act as the finishing touch on a play-date. There should be a lot happening before the condom goes on and the fucking starts. I like to have at least two orgasms before we even start having sex.  Sometimes before we even start taking off our clothes.  Of course……sometimes there is an entire second set of courses to be served up after dessert!

This post is a draft that I started writing over 6 months ago, but hadn’t finished.  After reading this article by Cooper at Life on the Swingset, I was inspired to come back to it.  Cooper talks about how he is redefining sex for himself to include all those wonderful experiences that do not include penis-orifice penetration.  It’s such a refreshing read coming from a man.  As women we learn early on that sex is something we withhold and wield as power, only giving it away once the time is right, and to ensure love, affection, continued attention.  I spent years as a teenager “holding out”.  I remained a virgin longer than most by learning the art of arousal without penetration.  Kissing, stroking, breathing heavy, teasing, letting emotion and hormones carry me away on a wave of mental, emotional, and physical excitement.

One of my old playmates used to promise me that he was just fine with making out and cuddling in his bed without sex.  I don’t think he was lying exactly, because we did have several dates that did not include actual fucking.  However, once we fucked the first time, it never felt like we could simply enjoy each other without the “main event” after that.

I tweeted once:  I could do the lifestyle without the fucking, but I couldn’t do the lifestyle without the flirting.  Does this mean I want to become softswap?  Absolutely not!  Does it mean that I wouldn’t swoon over a man who would and could enjoy having sex with me that didn’t include intercourse?  Get out the smelling salts!  Just like a wonderful meal with delicious, high quality food can stand alone and is often better without dessert, so can our sexual encounters exclude intercourse.

So let’s start some discussion.  Here are some questions to get you started.

#1) Do you feel “cheated” if you don’t get “fucked” at the end of a date?

#2) Do you agree that sex can be defined to either include or exclude intercourse (oral, vaginal, or anal)?

#3) Would you still consider this type of experience to be “swinging”?

#4) Since we all love to label everything, what would this new wave of “swinging” be called?  I don’t think it can be considered soft swap, since I’m pretty sure most definitions of soft swap include oral sex, which is technically penis pentration.  So…………let’s come up with something creative, funny, naughty, silly, or obnoxious.  😉

  3 Responses to “Sex is like Dessert”

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    Buried in my vault of postings is my definition of sex, and it is not inclusive only of penetrative acts. My simple definition is any act performed with the intent of bringing intense pleasure and (hopefully) orgasm. I say hopefully because I know many people are, for a variety of reasons, incapable of experiencing orgasm but still derive multiple levels of pleasure from sexual acts.

    Or, in short summary, a sexual act is sex.

    Stay SINful
    Mr. AP


    I personally agree with the concept that sex is the dessert. I’ve really come to enjoy the flirting, kissing, and touching that can be done before you ever get to the bed. Blink and I have had a few conversations about this recently and something that we might post about soon.

    Depending on the guy and my attraction to him I might or might not be okay with only flirting on a date. There are a choice few that I can’t help, but want to fuck when I’m in their presence. There are others that I could totally hang out with only the kissing and the touching.

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