I’ve often heard intercourse referred to as the “main event.”
For me, sexual intercourse isn’t the “main event”, but more like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. Let’s take the food analogy a bit further. First of all, food, like sex, is a highly sensual experience that can and should be enjoyed and savored. It can be enjoyed alone, but is often enhanced when shared with others. If the entirety of a sexual interaction is like a meal, the best ones are several courses long and include a variety of tastes, scents, and sensations. Done well, a meal can stand alone or you might decide to top it off with a little dessert (aka fucking, if we are talking about sex.) Either way, a meal made up entirely of dessert is not very satisfying and leaves you craving the deeper, sensual, fulfilling experience of real food.
I like to think of the actual sex act as the finishing touch on a play-date. There should be a lot happening before the condom goes on and the fucking starts. I like to have at least two orgasms before we even start having sex. Sometimes before we even start taking off our clothes. Of course……sometimes there is an entire second set of courses to be served up after dessert!
This post is a draft that I started writing over 6 months ago, but hadn’t finished. After reading this article by Cooper at Life on the Swingset, I was inspired to come back to it. Cooper talks about how he is redefining sex for himself to include all those wonderful experiences that do not include penis-orifice penetration. It’s such a refreshing read coming from a man. As women we learn early on that sex is something we withhold and wield as power, only giving it away once the time is right, and to ensure love, affection, continued attention. I spent years as a teenager “holding out”. I remained a virgin longer than most by learning the art of arousal without penetration. Kissing, stroking, breathing heavy, teasing, letting emotion and hormones carry me away on a wave of mental, emotional, and physical excitement.
One of my old playmates used to promise me that he was just fine with making out and cuddling in his bed without sex. I don’t think he was lying exactly, because we did have several dates that did not include actual fucking. However, once we fucked the first time, it never felt like we could simply enjoy each other without the “main event” after that.
I tweeted once: I could do the lifestyle without the fucking, but I couldn’t do the lifestyle without the flirting. Does this mean I want to become softswap? Absolutely not! Does it mean that I wouldn’t swoon over a man who would and could enjoy having sex with me that didn’t include intercourse? Get out the smelling salts! Just like a wonderful meal with delicious, high quality food can stand alone and is often better without dessert, so can our sexual encounters exclude intercourse.
So let’s start some discussion. Here are some questions to get you started.
#1) Do you feel “cheated” if you don’t get “fucked” at the end of a date?
#2) Do you agree that sex can be defined to either include or exclude intercourse (oral, vaginal, or anal)?
#3) Would you still consider this type of experience to be “swinging”?
#4) Since we all love to label everything, what would this new wave of “swinging” be called? I don’t think it can be considered soft swap, since I’m pretty sure most definitions of soft swap include oral sex, which is technically penis pentration. So…………let’s come up with something creative, funny, naughty, silly, or obnoxious. 😉