Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

How to Politely Decline a Sexual Hook-Up

 Posted by on 19 December 2011
Dec 192011

I received the following question yesterday by email:

Q:  I’m a single bisexual female (yes, a unicorn) and have been active off and on in the lifestyle for many years. I recently have upped my chances of getting lucky by joining a swing site (swinglifestyle.com). This approach is new to me, I’ve always had a really good skill of finding like-minded people. Since I’ve been on the site, I’ve already had some very good luck with finding some couples that I’ve had fun with. However, there are also people that I have chatted with that I feel a friendly connection with, however I’m not quite sure that I have it in me to tell them that, for whatever reason, it’s just not going to happen. Of course initially, when I started talking with them, I felt there was a possibility of a hook up…. or I wouldn’t have replied! Do you have any advise as to how I can soften the blow? I hate to sound rude, or as if I’ve led anyone on. To be honest, I love the use of the site, but I’m kind of overwhelmed by it! Any advise?

A:  Thank you for your email.  I find swinglifestyle.com a bit overwhelming myself.  There are a couple other sites I prefer that seem to narrow down the selection a bit.  Which site to join is a completely personal decision though and depends quite a bit on where you live.  Let me know if you want more information about the other sites we belong to.

Attending events is a great way to get to know people and we tend to use the sites more as a way to find out about events, follow up with the people we meet there, and keep up with our friends.  Social networking for swingers.  In our home state, there are a lot of casual bar meets and off-premise parties that allow us to meet people without the pressure of hooking up.  When you start going to a few events, you tend to see the same people over and over.  You can build some chemistry and get to know people better before deciding whether to play together.

Finally, in regards to your question about letting people down easy.  The best thing to do is to be honest, but kind.  We are all adults and we should know that sexual attraction is a bit of a mystery.  It either exists or it doesn’t.  It doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with a person just because we don’t want to have sex with them.  Once you realize that you aren’t interested, just fess up.  Give a sincere compliment and explain that you aren’t interested in pursuing a sexual hook up.  Believe me, it is a huge relief for you and more often than not is appreciated by the other person too.  Think about it this way:  They made a new friend who is kind and honest, and they can move on to one of the many other fish in the sea!

Thanks for emailing!


Sabrina asks readers: Do you have any advice about how to tell someone that you aren’t interested after all?  Post a reply!  If you have a question about the lifestyle or a suggested topic for my blog, email me at sabrinaswings-AT-gmail.com

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