- a recent playmate (MrChillFactor)
- different types of love
- texting mishaps
- my hubby’s encounter with a woman who he has been flirting with for over 3 years
- how intercourse is the smallest part of what I enjoy about this lifestyle – (Update, I finally got around to writing this one in Nov 2012.)
I also have a new idea, not yet started, about how to debrief with your spouse after an swinging encounter, and how that debrief might evolve and change as you become more experienced in the lifestyle.
But really, I need to process some recent stuff. I haven’t posted in over a month and our lifestyle has been a whirlwind in that time. When I posted a while back about finding the elusive 4-way connection, I had no idea it was right on the horizon for us. We met them when we attended a local weekly event for the first time in maybe close to year. We were hanging out with some new friends (with benefits). I introduced myself to a woman I didn’t know, and was introduced to her husband. He and I had a moment of connectedness in that meeting. We exchanged names and a lingering handshake. Later in the evening, he and I crossed paths once more and had another moment of intensity. We never kissed, nor did we say more than 5 words to each other, but there was clearly an attraction on both sides.
The next morning, he had sent us a message on a site we belong to. I responded, my husband responded, we exchanged phone numbers and the 4-way flirting started. We met them for a drink the next week and spent some wonderful time making out in our separate cars before going home. It was incredibly FUN and very exciting!
Since then, we have found ourselves becoming very involved with this couple. We text daily throughout the day. We talk on the phone. We’ve seen them every weekend since we met, sometimes more than once on the same weekend. I never thought I was looking for this kind of relationship. When I talk about my ideal experience as a swinger, I usually say that I would like to have 3-5 active relationships going on at any given time. Realistically, I usually have about 1-3 guys I am actively flirting or playing with at any given time. For the last month, I haven’t played with anyone other than this new couple. I’ve avoided seeking out anyone new, even though I met at least one new couple that I thought would be interesting. I’ve also put off MrChillFactor a few times simply because all my mental and emotional energy is wrapped up in this new guy.
Could we be going down the road of polyamory vs. swinging? I’ve never really used the term polyamory to describe what we do. However, we have both always agreed that a mental/emotional connection is just as important as a physical one, and perhaps even more so. As a couple, we’ve already had discussions about “love” and what that word means. We’ve already worked through acceptance of the idea that we might “love” our playmates in a way that is similar to how we “love” each other, with less history and a lower level of commitment. We had these discussions at least a couple years ago when we each had individual playmates that were important to us on a level deeper than just sex.
We’ve actually agreed that it is okay to exchange the term “love” with this new couple. I’m along for the ride. It’s amazing. I find that I now need to have de-briefing moments with my boyfriend where I explain to him that the men I was kissing at an event do not threaten the relationship he and I are building. He and I are having the discussions my husband and I needed to have 4 years ago. I didn’t think I would ever be this invested in a lifestyle friend. I’m even conflicted about giving him a blog name. It feels so impersonal. Hubby is simply “hubby” for the blog, so maybe this new guy is “BF” (boyfriend) for the blog?
<p><a href=”http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2280″>Image: digitalart / FreeDigitalPhotos.net</a></p>