Get Philosophical About Sex
Take some time this year to figure out why you want to be a swinger. What is it about this lifestyle that makes it the best way to express your own unique sexuality. If someone were to ask you why you are a swinger, what would your answer be? Sex is fun, of course, but challenge yourself to go deeper. Do you find value in challenging social norms? Do you want to expand the definition of love? Does swinging empower you? If so, how? Is open sexuality part of your own personal development journey? Once you’ve done that, think about how you might respond to some of the more common arguments against an open non-monogamous approach to sexuality. Create your own personal swinging manifesto!
Be more open
Sometimes we get into a lifestyle-rut. We look endlessly at profiles, trying to decide if we want to meet a particular couple. We think about going to parties, but then decide that maybe we shouldn’t because we might not know enough people there. We start to worry that we should be fucking a certain type of person, or not fucking another type of person. Swinging is supposed to be fun! Make a pact with yourself and your spouse to be more open this year. Shift your attitude a bit and decide embrace two simple words: “why not?” If you see a profile that looks interesting, send them an email. If a couple invites you for a drink, accept the invitation. If you sense some chemistry, make a move — flirt, smile, offer a kiss, invite someone to play….or not. Realize that not every interaction needs to end up in the bedroom. You will have more fun if you open yourself up to the possibilities of more frequent, quality interactions with real people. You’ll probably end up playing more too, simply because you’ll get out of your own way.
Introduce yourself to more people
When we first started attending Lifestyle events in our area, we didn’t know anyone. Instead of hanging in the corner waiting for someone to come say hi to us, we made it a point to introduce ourselves to people. It takes a little bit of courage, but like anything else it becomes easier with practice. This one piece of advice will vastly improve your experience in the Lifestyle because you will meet more people, you will make more friends, and you will become much less self-conscious. I found that I became more outgoing and friendly in vanilla (non-swinger) situations after practicing this habit at lifestyle events. My suggestion is to introduce yourself to anyone with whom you make eye contact at a party or event. Simply smile, extend your hand and say, “Hello, I’m (YOURNAME) here….and this is my husband/wife (HISNAMEHERE).” If you are at a smaller party (less than 50 people), I would challenge you to introduce yourself to everyone in the room.
Pick your partners with care
Once you’ve figured out why you want to be a swinger, opened yourself up to the possibilities, and introduced yourself to a bunch of new people, you’ll have a much clearer idea about who you want to play with and who you don’t. It’s my personal philosophy to choose playmates that I think have a strong potential to knock my socks off! That doesn’t mean they necessarily have the best body, but there is something about them that makes me want to get with them between the sheets. It might be their smile, their kiss, the way they think, or the way they smell. Anticipation can be the best aphrodisiac, so before you fuck anyone, make sure you really WANT to fuck them. It’s always okay to skip out on the sex, even if you are a swinger.
Take Charge of Your Sexual Health
Sexual health is important for all people, but especially for swingers. When you expand your circle of fuck-partners, you are increasing your potential exposure to sexually transmitted infections. It’s a question that is always at the forefront of any discussion of non-monogamy. My response is to acknowledge that swinging is a riskier hobby than say reading or gardening, but like any other risky hobby (skydiving, scuba diving, downhill skiing), there are ways to minimize risk while still enjoying the adrenaline rush. Take time this year to learn about the various types of STIs – are they viral or bacterial, what are the symptoms, how are they spread, how are they treated? Learn which sexual activities are riskiest and also which methods of protection are available. Most of us know about male condoms, but have you ever tried a female condom or dental dam? Make an appointment with a health practitioner that you trust. Talk to them honestly about your sexual activities. Create a plan for regular testing as often as your doctor recommends.
Image Credit: Anya Uribe / Deviant Art – Used by Permission
Do you have a New Year’s Resolution for your sex life? I’d love to hear about it. Leave a comment!