Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Nov 242014


You may have heard the term New Relationship Energy or NRE.  This is a term used to describe the unique circumstances which happen when someone in an open relationship finds themselves excited about a new connection.  In the poly world, it might be called falling in love.  In the swinger world, we tend to avoid the “L” word, and substitute something a bit more vague.  Regardless of your semantics, you’ve likely experienced NRE.

It’s the energy that happens when you’ve met someone who elicits that deep, chemical response that makes you think about them at random times.  You are excited again and find yourself anticipating texts, browsing their facebook wall, and making plans.   Even the most open-minded sexual being can get a little nervous when they sense New Relationship Energy happening for themselves or their partner(s).

My husband recently met a woman that he had admired for a while from afar (online).  They connected at a party and had great sex; followed by some awesome texts in the days following.  I could see that he was excited about this new person and his energy changed.  For some people, this creates a nervous space.

I’ve tried to come up with a term to describe what is the opposite of New Relationship Energy.  New/Old.  Old relationship energy sounds a bit ….. tired.  New/Used.  Used relationship energy sounds too close to “used up.”  New/Established.  I like that!  Here’s my understanding of how Established Relationship Energy (ERE) can happily co-exist with New Relationship Energy (NRE).

One thing that I’ve come to realize and understand is that NRE does not mean that my Established Relationship Energy (ERE) is somehow obsolete.  When I was younger, I used to think that my husband and I had nothing in common.  One of us likes dancing, the other doesn’t.  One of us thinks leaving a party at midnight is late, the other thinks that’s early.  One’s a saver and one’s a spender.  (In case you’re wondering; I’m the dancer, the night owl, and the saver.)  Lucky for me, a very close friend reminded me that we had more important things in common:  we loved our children, we had similar values regarding how to treat people, we enjoyed each other’s company, we were both kind, etc, etc.  This had a profound impact on my relationship, when I realized that our relationship had some very deep, solid foundations.

When you understand the foundation of your established relationship, then you can begin to feel secure and excited about the ERE that exists at that deep level.  NRE is fun, exciting, and carefree.  You don’t have to worry about who is going to walk the dog, whether someone called the plumber, how to get those kids to do their homework, finding enough money to pay the bills, or any of the myriad other things that are a part of everyday life.  Smart swingers enjoy (and let their partners enjoy) New Relationship Energy.  They know it’s a fun, temporary escape from reality.

Life can be a crazy, fucked up ride.  A lot of shit happens, and frankly, a lot of the time it sucks.  Any established relationship will eventually need to deal with the mundane crap of daily life.  For me, I came to realize that there is no one I’d rather do that with than the partner I’ve been married to for the last 20 years.

Image courtesy of pat138241 at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

  6 Responses to “Can New Relationship Energy Happily Co-Exist with Established Relationship Energy?”

Comments (6)

    You said this so eloquently that I doubt I could add to it! We have a new friend who joins in the fun when we go to the club. However, she has fallen for a guy who is married and they sneak off on “dates”! OH NO! She is new to the lifestyle and we gave her the RULES but it seems she did not really understand. We just wished her luck because we want nothing to do with cheating.



      I’m so thankful to be a part of this lifestyle where “sneaking off” isn’t required! What a mess for you to be involved with a friend who is participating outside the standard set of “rules”. Seems like a good call to step back. I would do the same thing.


    Hello Sabrina! very glad I found you!
    We are a couple from Brazil, and while initiating on this exciting world we didn’t know how to start an honest engagement.
    We wanted something that could make us feel confident with new friends and decided to created a game, first cardboard, then evolved to a new app “BlameItOn”, now available in the app store.
    We are no app developers, we have been able to learn what we needed to put together this simple yet exciting app from scratch.
    I think this is the first and only one of it’s kind at least on the Iphone.
    The intention is to hook up couples that want to play with other couples but do not know how to start. Its a simple and fun game, no Ads at all.

    I’d be glad to provide you with a free promoted so you could evaluate and provide some feedback to us. Just email me back.
    Our website is http://www.blameon.com and its very basic. Remember, we are no web-experts!

    p.s. the picture on the ABOUT ME page is gorgeous…



    Thank you so much for the comment and the compliment about my photo. Your app game looks very fun! I may just have to try it out at one of my next parties. 🙂


    Nice article! Thumbs UP!

    I made such an about my first orgy swingin at my blog! Its here: http://www.Havins-Escort.com


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