Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Men and Visual Stimulation

 Posted by on 26 December 2011
Dec 262011
 

Men and Visual StimulationI have a date lined up for tomorrow night after work.  He asked me to send him some photos in advance.  He already knows what I look like, but I think he wants to use the photos to get himself psyched up and turned on for tomorrow.  He’s not the first guy to make this type of request as we text in anticipation of our date.  I sometimes forget how much men tend to rely on visual cues for arousal.  I have a few favorite photos on my phone that I’ve taken over the years.  I know I look sexy in them and they are great for sending out as an introductory pic when first meeting someone.  But I am always very unprepared when I am asked for new photos from hubby or a playmate.  I just don’t generally take that many photos.  Not only that, but I still use a flip phone, and its pics are small, dark, and a little blurry.

When I used to be an online cam-girl, I understood the art of great photos.  I knew the importance of visual stimulation.  I enjoyed choosing sexy clothing and taking time to do my hair and makeup before a show.  In real life, I’ve let the art of visual stimulation suffer.  As a woman, (or at least I assume, it’s because I’m a woman), visual cues are much less important to me sexually than any number of other senses.  Smells rock my world: scented candles, sexy cologne, and massage oils can instantly put me in the mood for sex.  I am so much more aroused by mental games and physical expressions of sexuality like massages, hair pulling, light biting, and power struggles.  Music and words whispered in my ear can bring me into a mind-blowing state of arousal.  In fact, I typically keep my eyes closed during kissing, foreplay, and sex.  Essentially, I turn off my sense of sight in order to engage more intensely with my other senses.

But I want to be the kind of playmate/partner that men can’t wait to see again.  I want them to remember sex with me and have their minds infiltrated with those memories until they get another chance to be with me.  Most men are highly turned on by visual images.  They love to get pictures and see women in sexy lingerie.  I remember one playmate who loved to have sex in broad daylight and he wanted me completely naked.  As he explained it, he  just loved to be able to see everything.   I think for a lot of women, body image issues get in the way of embracing ways to turn our men on visually.  We don’t like something about our bodies, and so we avoid wearing sexy lingerie, we pull the covers up to our chins, or we turn off all the lights.   We scrutinize ourselves in photos and delete any that we deem not flattering, no matter what anyone else tells us.  My husband loves taking photos of me, but I’ll never let him because I don’t feel sexy enough.   I’m going to make an effort to get over this challenge.

I want to give my lovers the pleasure of visual stimulation.  Not because I owe them anything, but because I appreciate when a man takes time to smell good for me or chooses some music for us to fuck to, and I want to return the favor.  I’m going to try to stop worrying that he might see some imperfections.  I know, for example, that tomorrow night’s playmate loves skirts and high heels, so maybe I will try keeping my shoes on a little longer than I would normally.  I also know he likes me to have my eyes open, instead of closed.

Hopefully, I can remember how much fun I used to have dressing up and taking sexy photos and videos.  I know my husband would be thrilled if I asked him to do a sexy photo shoot with me!  🙂

Image Credit: adamr / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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