The beauty of non-monogamy is that by allowing feelings to take their natural course, they are less likely to become unwieldy and overwhelming. Forbidden fruit is so much more enticing and nearly impossible to stop craving. When that fruit becomes readily available, it becomes something to cherish and enjoy, but it loses its power to control and devour you in unhealthy ways. I am so thankful that my husband does his best to let me fully explore and experience my non-monogamous relationships in the most honest way possible. Together we have learned to navigate the Lifestyle to arrive at a place of openness that is very freeing and very fun.
My husband and I each have our own personal philosophy about non-monogamy, why we do it, and what we get out of it. Personally I believe I benefit immensely when I am actively seeking fun, healthy, sexual encounters.
Each swinging encounter I have is an opportunity to connect with someone on whatever level works for the two of us. I don’t make blanket rules about what types of playmates I look for or what types of playtime I enjoy. Sometimes, it’s purely physical pleasure. With some men, I share a deeper friendship that also happens to include sex. In other cases, we are each fulfilling a very specific need to explore a particular fantasy or type of encounter. The lifestyle magic happens when these levels align and your energy matches that of your partners.
When that doesn’t happen, it can be difficult and even sometimes extremely painful. I’ve had my heart energy get bruised a bit when I’ve realized that I was more emotionally invested in someone than they were in me. It’s not something that person did or didn’t do, we just weren’t on the same energy level. It has taken me a while to learn how to let that go. When I am fully honest and open during a sexual encounter, and I enjoy that encounter, then there is nothing to regret later if things turn out differently than I had hoped or expected. I used to spend way too much time wondering “why” someone wasn’t calling me back or whether I needed to do something different in order to impress my partners more.
The same goes for a particular type of activity that you might engage in on a trial basis. If you try something at a party or an event, and later realize that you didn’t like it. That’s okay! If you wanted to try it in the moment and you were being true to yourself in that moment, then you did right by yourself. Focus on the positive aspects of your encounters, be thankful for the things you’ve gained, and swinging will become so much more fun!
Image Credit: Anya Uribe / Deviant Art – Used by Permission