Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Kissing vs. No Kissing

 Posted by on 16 November 2009
Nov 162009

Sabrina Swings Blog To Kiss or Not to KissI have heard rumor that some swinging couples don’t “kiss” the other couple when they swing.  It seems that kissing is too intimate or romantic or something.  Personally I have NEVER yet met a couple that won’t kiss.    I think it’s absolutely crazy! My first reaction is that these non-kissing swingers have likely watched the movie Pretty Woman one too many times.  In case you don’t know, Pretty Woman is a movie about a prostitute (Julia Roberts) working in Hollywood.  She and her hooker friend Kit have a rule that they DO NOT kiss their Johns.  Julia’s character gets picked up one night by Richard Gere who wants to pay her to be “his” for the entire week.  It makes prostitution look all glamourous and sexy and lucrative.  Anyway, eventually they fall in love and blah, blah, blah!

It’s not that I don’t understand the argument that kissing is too intimate.  I agree that kissing is probably way more intimate than actually fucking someone.   Sex doesn’t have to be intimate.  In fact it can be very impersonal.  Mouth kissing on the other hand is something that demands or perhaps creates some intimacy between partners.  So I agree with those who claim that kissing is more intimate than fucking.

However, I like that feeling of intimacy.  Certainly I am not in the lifestyle to find a new life partner, but I’m also not looking for random, nameless, faceless sex.  I want a connection with my playmate that lasts at least as long as the encounter and preferably longer.  Kissing is one of the things that makes me WANT to have sex with you.  The right kiss can create an intense desire to take things to the next level.  Interestingly, it’s also a way that swingers often say “hello” and “goodbye” and “wow, you’re looking nice tonight.”  For many of the people I meet, kissing may be all that we do; it’s never going beyond that.

This topic is on my mind because we went to a swingers party on Saturday night.  In our state, on-premise sex clubs are pretty much illegal, so we have social events/dances where we meet, dress sexy, flirt, kiss, and dance.  Folks typically then leave the party to play in their hotels.   Saturday night’s event was held in a hotel ballroom and there were probably between one and two hundred people there.   I was feeling way under the weather, as in I probably shouldn’t have even been there.  But I went anyway and just told people I wasn’t kissing that night in order to help avoid spreading my germs all over the place.

It was a little awkward to experience being a non-kisser for the night.  I felt out of place and unconnected to people.  I felt less sexy and less flirtatious.  I realized how much I enjoy kissing and how happy I am that we are a couple who DOES kiss!  Kissing is where it all starts for me.

One guy risked his health and kissed me full on anyway.  While he was kissing, he pulled my hair nice and hard.  SWOON!  Oh my gosh, I REALLY like that!  Then he told me that he that he was really wanting to fuck me that night.  The two of us have been at some of the same house parties, but we haven’t actually had sex yet.  I told him next time for sure!  Anticipation is an awesome thing!

Artwork by Anya Uribe on Deviant Art / Used by Permission

  10 Responses to “Kissing vs. No Kissing”

Comments (10)

    We discussed the subject of kissing before our first foursome and decided against it. However things went so well with the other couple we did kiss each other, although not passionately. So sometimes it’s best not to have pre-conceived ideas.
    Mike & Leigh


      there is always a small cchnae of getting it through these ways. I wouldn’t have sex with her if I were you, it’s too risky. Your cchnaes may be reduced, but they are still there. if she has any tiny little soars on her lip (you don’t even have to be able to see them) you can get it from her.


    Sex without kissing is a no go. Kissing is a must. Lucky for us, we have never run into a non kissing couple.


    I (mrs golfer) use to think kissing was to personal. Mr golfer has always been a kisser but as I have grown in the LS I too am now a kisser. Kissing is what sometimes sparks the fire to erotic play.
    So put on some chap stick and smooch away.


    Perfectly said Sabrina, perfectly said. Our first “steady” couple were non-kissers. I adore them for the experience and good times shared. Since then everyone we associate with are kissers. Thank goodness!!


    Unless she has a cut in her mouth AND your condom bareks, oral sex is pretty safe.Any type of kissing DOES NOT mean you’ll get AIDS, if you both have a mouth lesion (an open wound) there is risk, otherwise it’s pretty risk-free


    we are a kissing couple. i like the passion and lust that comes from of kissing, it’s all part of our play:) non-kissing would be a factor that might make us pass on a couple.



    Hello again, lclassy. Thanks for the comment. I think being with a non-kissing couple would be extremely hard and I would worry about my ability to remain within their rules. I would most likely pass as well. For me, connecting with passionate kisses is a very important part of the attraction for me.

    If I think really hard, I might remember that I’ve done a 3some without kissing. I’d have to check with my hubby to be sure. Soo………..hubby if you are reading this, was our Las Vegas 3some with the internet dude a non-kissing 3some??


    we love kissing, but have not found a couple who is as great as kissing as we are with each other! Our first experience with one couple, the guy couldn’t kiss due to a cold sore and it was a total bummer!


    OK, been in lifestyle couple years , and just had the kissing thing happen , it’s not that kissing a issue but a all out make out session does seem to bother me , just happenough recently, my wife knew we had this as rule but got caught in moment, I did bring up to both day latter, certainly should have mentioned during act and joking broke it up

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