Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Jan 042012

Sabrina Swings asks: Is it still swinging if you don't have sex?Sometimes I forget to update my blog when we go out and “nothing” happens.  It might surprise some people to know that swingers don’t have sex every time they go out to a club or an event.  The last two times we’ve gone out, there was no sex involved whatsoever.

Last Friday night, we headed out to a pre-NYE part about an hour away from our house.  We hadn’t booked a room, so the plan was to attend the party and come home at the end of the night.  We were certainly open to some naked, naughty fun if we happened to get an invite, but it just didn’t work out that way.  This happens quite a bit actually, and mostly we don’t mind at all.  Friday night was our first real party in over a year.  We’ve been away from the scene for a while.  Not out of swinging entirely, but just not very active on the sites, and not attending many events.  It was a bit intimidating to think about how few people we might know.  Nonetheless, we were excited to get back out there.  We had accepted an invite to a pre-party in the hotel room of a couple we used to know pretty well (but who we’ve never played with), so we stopped by there to have a few drinks before the real party.  We knew no one in the room, except the hosts, and we barely knew them.  In fact, I had to admit to the Mrs. that although I knew their screen name, I couldn’t remember their real names.  She seemed relieved and admitted that she didn’t know ours either.  We spent some time getting reacquainted with her and I introduced myself to a couple new folks, then we headed down the hall to another room where some friends of ours were staying.  We’ve played twice with this couple, but the vibe has since shifted and we don’t have the same attraction we once did.  My husband and I hung out for a bit and had some drinks in their room with two other couples before deciding to go to the actual event-party.

Once we were at the event, we felt like total newbies.  There were a couple familiar faces, but no real friends.  One guy we used to know chatted with us a bit and we met his new girlfriend.  I have no idea what happened to his former wife/girlfriend, and we don’t really know him well enough to ask.  It was mostly polite chat and catching up.  The guy is incredibly nice, but a little weird, and not my type at all.  He laughed about how my husband and I had seemed to simply drop off the map and disappear.  It’s true.  We were focusing on our family, not because anything was wrong, but simply because we were busy.  I started to enjoy being home more than I enjoyed going out.  We had better things to spend our money on than parties, drinks, sexy clothes, and hotels.  We hadn’t given up swinging as a lifestyle choice, but had taken a break from the “scene”.

A bit later in the night, we spent some time talking to one of the new couples we had met at the pre-party.  In reality, we were mostly talking to her.  I actually thought the Mr. was highly attractive, but he was busy chatting with another lady and when he was done with her, he excused himself to go get some drinks.  When he never came back, his wife eventually excused herself as well, and we wondered if we had been ditched?

We had noticed a third couple sitting by themselves earlier and decided to go introduce ourselves.  They were very nice and very normal!  She was dressed casually in a pair of jeans and a top.  I am always so impressed with women who don’t have to try so fucking hard to look sexy.  The four of us talked for quite a while.  We talked about our lifestyle experiences, where we live (they are actually pretty close by), and a bunch of other normal, suburban, non sexual stuff.  It was fun!  They were sexy in a normal, fun kind of way.  There wasn’t an intense kind of instant chemistry, but it was comfortable and easy.  The guy was quiet and attractive.  I get the sense that we could have some fun together and our chemistry would probably increase once we had some time to get to know each other more “intimately”.  I actually thought we might hook up with these guys, but somehow at the end of the night we all went our separate ways without even a kiss goodnight.

When we were newer to the Lifestyle, it used to drive me crazy to leave a party without playing.  I would feel like I had wasted the evening because I didn’t get any action.  My husband never felt this way.  In fact, I used to sometimes think that he preferred the nights when we didn’t play.  We’ve had some tense moments driving home from parties;  I would say that we had left too early because the playtime hadn’t started; He would say that if playtime was going to happen, it should have started a lot sooner.  We were usually leaving around 2am, so I’ll let you decide who was right.  I didn’t feel that way on Friday night.  I was ready to go home.  We’d had a fun night.  We saw some old friends, met some new people, and did a lot of people watching.  I still want to play when we go out, but if it doesn’t happen, it’s not such a big deal anymore.  I know that there will be other opportunities.  I also know that people are generally pretty shy, so if I am interested, I’m probably going to have to make the first move.


Image Credit:  Anya Uribe / Deviant Art – Used by Permission

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