Welcome to SabrinaSwings!

I am a happily married swinger in suburban Minneapolis. My husband and I have been married for 20+ years and exploring various aspects of consensual non-monogamy since the beginning. Sabrina Swings is the place where I share our experiences. The blog is part true erotic swinging stories, but mostly philosophical discussions of some of the lifestyle's most common questions. How do I get into swinging? How do I talk my spouse into swinging? How do I know if I should swing? Do swingers get jealous? How often do swingers have sex? Where can I find a swinging playmate? Hope you enjoy!

Feb 032012
I recently received this question by email:


Hello, I was wondering if you have any good ideas for a party. I will be throwing my 1st party soon, and I need ideas. What makes a good swingers party? Thank you so much for your help!


Sabrina Says ….
There are many elements that go into hosting a successful swinger party.  The first thing to decide is what type of party to host.  Is this a public bar-meet party?  Private house or hotel party?  Larger event-type party?  Each type is going to have its own elements for success.  This post will focus on a private house/hotel party and I will consider other types of parties in future postings.  Please leave your comments here about parties you’ve hosted or attended.  What’s made them good?  Do you have any horror stories?


Personally, we don’t feel comfortable hosting at home.  Even if we can manage to find ourselves home alone, we have extended family living nearby who are not afraid to come by unannounced.  It’s really unfortunate because we enjoy the hospitality of our friends who host house parties, and we just aren’t able to reciprocate at this point in our lives.  We have hosted a couple small hotel parties in the past (3-4 couples).  If you are not able to host at home, you might consider renting a hotel suite and inviting your friends to join you.


Creating a guest list takes more consideration than you might think.  You can certainly just invite all the people you like and see how they mix, but you may want to consider limiting your guest list to people you think will get along well.  Some things to consider are age, experience, preferred style of play, and familiarity.  On the other hand, don’t be too limited.  Most swingers like to meet new friends, so don’t worry that you should only invite people who already know each other.  Just make sure that you make the proper introductions (more about that in the HOSTING) section below.  Also, I would suggest over-inviting slightly.  You don’t want a couple last minute cancellations to undo all your hard work.  Think about what size you would like your party to be, then invite 50% more people than that.  Finally, always let your friends know that they are welcome to bring a guest.  It’s a great way to find new friends, it will reduce last minute cancellations, and some people just feel more comfortable knowing there will be an additional familiar face at the party.


AMENITIES:  Try to anticipate any needs your guests might have and make plans to have what they need close at hand.
  • Near each play area, you should have a generous supply of condoms (if you really want to impress your guests, try providing a variety of types, including female condoms).  Look for individually wrapped single-use lube packets.  They are much more hygenic than a large bottle shared by multiple people.  Most people like a towel either during or after sex and a great host will make sure there is no shortage of clean, dry towels available.  I remember one party where a naked guy came roaming through the kitchen in search of the hosts so he could request a towel for his playmate who was waiting downstairs.  Don’t forget to provide a clearly marked area for the used towels and condoms.  It doesn’t hurt to make up little signs reminding people to properly dispose of condoms and wrappers.  Think about setting the mood in your play areas with music and soft lighting or candles.  Some may think this is taking it a bit too far….but I would argue that most women feel way sexier in soft lighting…..and we all know that swinger parties are more fun when the women are feeling sexy!  Finally, even though I’m not a huge fan, it doesn’t hurt to provide some moist towelettes in the play areas for quick clean-ups.
  • In the bathroom, make sure there are extra rolls of toilet paper easily accessible to your guests.  In addition, the bathroom is the perfect place to stash the emergency supplies people might need like Kleenex, tampons and Tylenol.  Personally, I like to clean up with a clean, fluffy wash-cloth and hot water.  Just like in the play areas, be sure to let your guests know where you’d like them to stash the used ones.  Another thing that guests always love is a large basket of toiletries for them to freshen-up.  Consider: hand lotion, perfume, cologne, mouthwash, dental floss, hair spray, and any other items you can think of.  Also, it goes without saying that your bathroom will be stocked with plenty of hand-soap and clean hand-towels for your guests.
  • Contrary to popular belief, most swinger parties are not giant orgies where everybody walks in, takes their clothes off, and starts fucking immediately.  Sure, those parties happen, but they aren’t the norm (at least not in our experience).  So make sure you are thinking about what your guests might like while they aren’t hooking up.  Again, music is always nice.  Consider how the style of music might differ from what’s on in your play areas.  Just make sure that the volume is low enough that people can talk and get to know each other.  It’s my personal belief that the TV should never be on at any kind of party (unless the party is specifically themed around a televised event like the Superbowl or the Oscars).  Television has a way of closing communication between people, and swinging is about opening communication – mentally and physically.  Another thing that is great to have available are some ice-breaker games that don’t take a lot of organization or work.  Think decks of Trivial Pursuit cards or Would you Rather? type questions.  You don’t have to organize a formal game.  Just having these around will entice people to pick them up and promote interaction.  You can find sexual games like this, but regular games work just fine as well.  We had a very sexy dinner party that included a game of Apples to Apples which turned out to be surprisingly great foreplay.  The evening ended with three very happy couplings and lots of moaning and screaming!  🙂
FOOD & DRINK:  Some hosts will provide an open bar, others ask their guests to BYOB.  It’s also a common practice for the host to provide one specific drink: wine, shots, or a specialty mixed drink, advising guests to bring anything else they might want.  Either option is perfectly acceptable, just make sure you clarify with your guests.  Nothing worse than arriving to a party and not realizing that you were supposed to BYOB.  I would recommend having bottled water on hand for your guests, regardless of whether you are providing other beverages or not.  There should be some in the kitchen and some in the playrooms.  In my opinion, food is completely optional.  I don’t generally like to eat when I play, but for some the option to refuel is appreciated. 😉  I would recommend light, clean finger food such as sliced fruits, vegetables, crackers, and mild cheeses.  Avoid anything too heavy, spicy or pungent, for obvious reasons.  Another fun idea might be to research foods purported to be aphrodisiacs and plan your party around that theme.

HOSTING: This is the most important aspect of this post, so I hope you have read this far.  Being a proper host is a requirement at any event or party.  Let’s face it, you don’t always have to provide all the amenities.  After all, most of us bring our own lube, condoms, and towels when we go out anyway.  We’ve been to many, many parties that are BYOB and no food is provided or necessary.  But every party needs a host who is friendly, outgoing, and anticipates their guests needs.  So, no matter how casual your party is, you must be an excellent host.  What does that mean?
  • It means you introduce yourself to every person as soon as they arrive!  Thank them for coming, let them know where the bathrooms are, where the playrooms are, and where they can stash their stuff.
  • Next, you need to make sure they have a drink, if they want one.  We’ve been guests at a party where after about 30 minutes, we finally had to ask the host for a glass of water.  Don’t make your guests feel like they are imposing.  Let them know what’s available and either make it for them or explain that they can help themselves.  If helping themselves, make sure they know exactly what’s available and where to find it.  If the party is BYOB, then invite your guests to stash their alcohol in the refrigerator, if desired.
  • Mingle!  As the host, try not to focus too much on one person or couple.  Although you may want to flirt and play with a particular guest,  your first job is to make everyone feel welcome and relaxed.  You should be available to greet new guests as they arrive.  Take time to walk around and make sure people have what they need.  You can play at your own party, but make sure your guests are take care of first.
  • Finally, make proper introductions.  You should make sure that every guest at your party has been introduced to everyone else at some point in the night.  Simply say something like: “Jan, do you know Mary and Bob?  Mary and Bob, this is Jan and her husband Charlie.”  Don’t assume people know each other.  Some people will make their own introductions, but it’s your job as the host to make sure that people feel welcome and comfortable.  If you notice a couple standing off to the side of the room, bring a couple outgoing people to them and make some introductions.  Stay and chat for a bit yourself, and then leave to mingle some more.

  17 Responses to “How to host a good swingers party? Sabrina Says…”

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    […] Re: house party games I just posted about this on my blog. While I think "adult" games can be fun, I do think that they can be intimidating and a little uncomfortable if they require sexual or even sensual contact without choice in who is giving / receiving the touching. If the game is overtly sexual in nature, I think I would prefer a mind game that involves sharing of fantasies, reading people's minds, etc…. I actually think that "vanilla" games make a great addition to swinger parties. They are non-threatening, but they promote interaction. When you play on teams, you might find yourself sitting close to your teammates or giving high fives, hugs, or kisses when your "team" does well. Games usually bring some little rushes of adrenaline which is easily converted to sexual energy! We went to a dinner party once and played a vanilla board game. There was a lot of flirtation! I remember flitting my eyes at one of the guys and saying something like: "What do I get if I get this right?" To which he answered, "What do you want?" We were having sex in the living room less than 30 minutes later. If you're interested in reading more, I posted about this and other party ideas earlier today at: How to host a good swingers party? Sabrina Says… Swinging in the Suburbs […]


    […] He muted the television, which is a very good thing in my book.  I can’t tell you how much I HATE having a tv on for background noise when I’m trying to talk or have sex.  No fun at […]

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