Swinging is a funny world. By definition, we are all in this lifestyle because sex is fun and we want the freedom to explore our sexuality both within and outside our marriage. However, there is this odd sort of judgment that happens when people think that others are too “slutty.” Like most things in the world, you will always find people who are playing more often than you are and those who are playing less often. We have friends, a couple, who play way more often than we ever would want to. Sometimes my husband and I find ourselves judging them and asking ourselves how they could possibly play what seems like nearly every night of the week. I try so hard to remember that there may be other couples who think that my husband and I play too often or perhaps that our style isn’t right because not only do we play in separate rooms, but we go out on separate dates as well. This lifestyle shouldn’t be about judgment. The couple in question is completely on the same page WITH EACH OTHER and that’s all that matters. It doesn’t matter what my husband and I or anyone else thinks.
Now, if there is a discrepency WITHIN the marriage regarding the frequency of play, then that is something to talk about. We have had so many discussions about what place swinging has in our lifestyle and how often we should or want to be playing. I admit that when we first took the plunge last July, I wanted to go out at least one night each weekend (either Friday or Saturday night). That isn’t to say that I expected to have sex every single time, but I wanted to be out and be seen and get to know people and hopefully at least most of the time have some sex at the end of the night. The other thing that comes into play is that once I play, I find that I really want to play again very soon. Sex has always been a lot like exercise for me; the longer I go without, the easier it is to continue to go without, but once you get some, you want more very soon. So hubby and I were going through these phases where we would play over the weekend and I would be feeling ready for another play date by about Tuesday, while my husband would feel like he could wait at least a couple weeks or more for our next “swinging escapade.”
Our frequency has greatly reduced over the past year as the newness of swinging has worn off. Things have equalized a bit for us and we are able to keep life a bit more in balance than maybe we were able to in the beginning. I have had two playdates during each of the last three months (August, September, and October). Those six playdates break down as follows: one couples date where we did a same room-full swap, one mfm (male-female-male) with hubby and a new guy, and 2 one-on-one playdates each with two of my favorite playmates. Hubby says his ideal schedule for us is to have 0-3 playdates per month, so I am falling right in line with that. We are both feeling ready for another playdate soon and it’s possible that hubby will get his chance this weekend and with one of his favorite playmates!! Keeping my fingers crossed for him.