Swinging doesn’t just impact your experiences in the bedroom. It can vastly improve your life in many ways unrelated to sex. I’ve personally identified ten benefits as a result of our swinging adventures and am exploring them through this blog series. You can read the entire list and find links to all the benefits here: Benefits of Swinging. This is the first post in the series.
#1: Improves Social Skills
Today as I was waiting for an elevator, a woman introduced herself to me. I mumbled my way through some introductions and she made it a point to look me in the eye and repeat my name. I was surprised by her willingness to put herself out there, and then I remembered that I used to be that way too.
One of the most positive effects swinging had on me personally was that it helped me come out of my shell socially, not only in the lifestyle, but also in my vanilla life. When my husband and I first started going out regularly, I took it upon myself to introduce myself to nearly everyone I met. Especially if we had that eye-contact moment, I would reach out my hand and simply introduce myself. Sure, it was a little uncomfortable at first, but soon it became second nature and it seemed to put other people at ease. I found that my husband and I were much more friendly and outgoing in our everyday lives when we were actively swinging. I wasn’t afraid to meet new people and learn their names. You would be amazed at how much people appreciate it when you make a sincere effort to learn and remember their names. I’ve been to so many parties (vanilla and non-vanilla) where people are amazed at how I can remember the names of everyone at the party. Almost always, at least one person says something along the lines of, “Oh I could never do that.” It’s not really that difficult, and I don’t always remember people’s names, but taking a moment to meet each person, look them in the eye and repeat their name really helps you feel more connected socially to them. Later in the evening, I’ll make another attempt to recall their name and have some more conversation.
I think there are a few reasons people don’t go out of their way to introduce themselves and learn the names of those they come into contact with. I’m going to explore those reasons here through the specific lens of swinger events and parties. If you find that you want to meet more people when you attend swinger events, take into consideration what might be holding you back.
#1) They are nervous or uncomfortable – We live in a world where strangers rarely talk to each other. Walk down a busy street sometime and notice; Most people avert their eyes as they pass you. When we stand in an elevator, it’s completely normal to look straight ahead and ignore the person next to you. If you are especially friendly, you might mumble something about having a nice day as you leave the elevator, but it’s certainly not expected. That being said, people feel awkward when they decide to introduce themselves to someone new. They aren’t sure of the proper protocol. The don’t know how the other person will react. The great news is that pretty much everyone has this same level of anxiety, and if you make the first move, they’ll feel relieved and thankful.
2) They are worried they will forget the other person’s name later and then be embarrassed – Well guess what? You will forget people’s names and they’ll forget yours too. Much like #1, when you admit to someone that you’ve forgotten their name, you’ll often get a look of relief as they now feel free to admit that they’ve forgotten yours as well. Making the effort is what’s important and the more you practice, the better you will get at remembering the names for next time. If you’ve forgotten someone’s name, simply admit that you’ve forgotten, and ask them to tell you again. This lets people know that you interested in getting to know them.
#3) They don’t want to give anyone the wrong idea – This is especially true when you are meeting people within the context of a lifestyle event. You become afraid to introduce yourself to people because you are worried that they will automatically assume you want to fuck them. Getting out of your own head is the key to overcoming this obstacle. Go into your event with a goal to meet a particular number of people, or if the event is small enough, meet everyone there. Be honest when you introduce yourself. Try saying something like, “Hi, my name is Sabrina. I wanted to introduce myself because I don’t think we’ve met.” When you learn their name, let them know that you always make it a goal to meet as many new people as possible whenever you go out. Chat for a few minutes and then let them know that you hope they have a great night, then mingle some more, repeating this pattern. The more people you introduce yourself to, the less likely people will make assumptions that your introduction has a hidden agenda.
#4) They worry too much about talking to the “in-crowd” – Sometimes being in the lifestyle can feel like being back in high school. There is an in-crowd and an out-crowd. People are desperately trying to ensure that they don’t end up on the “outs”. This is a trap I found myself falling into and it made the entire experience much less pleasurable and fun. The more people you meet, the more likely you are to find people that you find interesting and fun. I don’t know about you, but when I share intimate time with someone, I want them to be interesting and fun! Sometimes those people are in the in-crowd and sometimes they aren’t. Don’t limit your options by only talking to people you already know. Seek out the quiet folks in the corner, introduce yourself to everyone! You never know when you’ll find your next partner.
What social benefits have you experienced since becoming a swinger? Leave a comment!